Tag Archives for Funny

Why Is It So Funny When A Man Gets Kicked In The Genitals?as A Man This Isn’t Funny To Me At All!?

I mean come on MEN, why do YOU laugh at this joke? I LOVE women very much, but I wonder If a women got kicked in the genital would everybody[including women]think that this is so funny.Because I don’t get the joke !If you are being attacked by a man in self defense O.K. I understand.Otherwise this whole notion of kicking a man in the genitals for fun and sport is crazy. Let’s start seeing more movies where women get kicked in the genitals,I bet that will change public oppinion!

For The People Who Want Funny But True Chuck Norris Quotes?

Chuck Norris uses Tabasco Sauce for eye drops.
Chuck Norris can get Blackjack with just one card.
„One time I was with Norris in the back of a pickup truck, along with a live deer. Norris goes up to the deer and says, ‚I’m Chuck Norris! SAY IT!’ Then he manipulates the deer’s lips in such a way as to make it say, ‚ChuckNorris’ … It wasn’t exactly like it, but it was pretty good for a deer!'”
People created the automobile to escape from Chuck Norris…Not to be outdone, Chuck Norris created the automobile accident.
Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks people in the face first and asks questions later.
When Chuck Norris was born, the only person who cried was the doctor. Never slap Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open.
Archeologists in India recently uncovered a new dinosaur. It?s actually many dinosaurs but one is in the middle of all the others. The one in the middle is believed to have killed the others with a single roundhouse kick to the face. The archeologists wanted to call it ChuckNorrisaurs but the Indian government changed the name to Himotosaurous because it?s simply not possible for Mr. Norris to be killed.
Chuck Norris got a perfect score on his SAT’s, simply by writing Chuck Norris for every answer.
Chuck Norris has to use a stunt double when he does crying scenes.
Chuck Norris successfully seperated twins conjoined at the head by roundkicking them in the face.
Dinosaurs went extinct because of the Chuck Norrisaurus.
People have often asked the United States, What is your secret weapon against terrorists? We simply reply…Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris wears Orion’s Belt around his pinky toe and he eats with the Big Dipper.
Chuck Norris eats lightning and farts thunder.
Lightning never strikes twice in one place because Chuck Norris is looking for it.
Chuck Norris was once a knight in King Arthur’s court. He was known as Sir Beatdown.
Chuck Norris once played rugby by himself. He went undefeated. Chuck Norris once played rugby by himself. He went undefeated.
In Desert Storm the reason why the Iraqi army surrendered so quickly because they knew Chuck Norris was coming.
Chuck Norris has never looked a baby in the eyes cause it might him cry but if he does it also makes him want to punch a baby.
Chuck norris doesnt go at the speed of light, he goes at the speed of Norris
Chuck Norris does not know about this website. If he did he would have just deleted the internet.
Before sliced bread, people used to say „Thats the greatest thing since Chuck Norris”. But Chuck Norris was displeased by this. So he roundhouse kicked a loaf of bread into slices.
Chuck Norris’s sweat has burned holes in concrete.
The wind of Chuck Norris?s round house kick can be felt from 1600 million miles away
Chuck Norris has held the World Championship in every weight class at the same time.
There is no Control button on Chuck Norris’ computer. Chuck Norris is always in control.
Chuck Norris is so bad he makes viruses sick. As such, Chuck Norris is also responsible for the eradication of smallpox.
There are four legal methods of execution in the United States: lethal injection, gas chamber, electric chair and Chuck Norris.
Earth’s emergency defence plan in case of alien invasion is Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris stared evil in the face, and it backed down
Chuck Norris can split the atom. With his bare hands.
On the SAT if you put Chuck Norris for every answer you will score over 8000
The United States could save billions in defense funding if they trade the Military for Chuck Norris
When Chuck Norris spits out watermelon seeds, he puts a machine gun to shame
Chuck Norris doesnt use after shave, he uses liquid hot magma.
When Chuck norris found this web-site while surfing the internt, he round house kicked his computer…10 new facts were added instantly.including this one
You can lead a horse to water but cannot make him drink, unless you?re Chuck Norris
No matter what your mother always said, Chuck Norris can tune a fish.
Chuck Norris is ” The best a man can get ”
On Valentine’s Day, Chuck Norris gives his wife the still beating heart of one of his enemies. Being very romantic, Chuck Norris believes every day should be Valentine’s Day.
Scientists believe the world began with the „Big Bang”. Chuck Norris shrugs it off as a „bad case of gas”.
Chuck Norris let the dogs out.
Chuck Norris visits an active volcano every morning to get some of „the best damn espresso on Earth”.
Chuck Norris eats eight meals a day. Seven are steak, and the last is the rest of the cow.
Chuck Norris does know what Willis is talking about!
Chuck Norris don’t open no can of whoopass. He makes his own.
Chuck Norris could shoot someone and still have time to roundhouse kick him in the face before the bullet hit.
Chuck Norris’s body temperature is 98.6 degrees… Celsius.
The world’s fastest car has 7 gears. 5, 6, and Chuck Norris.
The active ingredient in Red Bull is Chuck Norris’s sweat.
The Seven Wonders of the ancient world were: Chuck Norris’ left and right hands, his left and right feet, his belly button, his liver, and his beard.
When Chuck Norris goes to Vegas, he doesn’t have to gamble. The casinos just give him stacks of money.
In an emergency, Chuck Norris can be used as a floatation device.
When Chuck Norris is ready to wake up, he tells the sun to get the above the horizon.
The speed of light was instituted because Chuck Norris didn’t want get winded outrunning it. Chuck Norris hates to sweat.
Chuck Norris once bench-pressed the entire state of Ohio, and all of its residents.
Chuck Norris can hold his breathe for nine years.
When somebody yells „Last one in is a rotten egg,” Chuck Norris is never the rotten egg.
Chuck Norris invented the question mark.
Chuck Norris trick-or-treated as himself as a child.
Chuck Norris has 3 knees on each leg.
Chuck Norris likes long walks on the beach, Barry White music, Harlequin romance novels, songbirds, rainbows, and quiet time with his lady?just before he roundhouse kicks her in the face.
Chuck Norris can cook minute rice in 30 seconds.
If you gave Chuck Norris a typewriter and 0.000000000000000000001th of a second he can write the Complete Works of Shakespeare
Chuck Norris puts the laughter in manslaughter.
Chuck Norris’ beard hair is believed to be an aphrodisiac in China.
The helicopter was invented after Chuck Norris was observed doing 8 roundhouse kicks a second.
Cars were invented to have a faster way of fleeing from Chuck Norris. Not to be outdone, Chuck Norris invented the car accident.
Chuck Norris brushes his teeth with barbed wire.
Chuck Norris can watch an episode of 60 minutes in 22 seconds.
Chuck Norris make onions CRY!!!
Some people say that Chuck Norris is a myth. Those „some people” are now dead.
When Chuck Norris sneeze, he don’t say „Atchoo” he says „DIE EVERYONE!!!”. That’s what happens next.
Chuck Norris eats a bowl of diamonds every morning.
Chuck Norris is not only a noun, but a verb.

Get Ready To Grin This Is Really Funny.?

(On a lighter note, the following story is a montage of several of the urban
myths currently floating around cyberspace. This anonymous email is being
passed around under the heading, „It Must be True, I Saw it on the Internet.”)
I was on my way to the post office to pick up my case of free M&M’s (sent to
me because I forwarded an e-mail to five other people, celebrating the fact
that the year 2000 is „MM” in Roman numerals), when I ran into a friend
whose neighbor, a young man, was home recovering from having been served a
rat in his bucket of Kentucky Fried Chicken (which is predictable, since as
everyone knows, there’s no actual chicken in Kentucky Fried Chicken, which
is why the government made them change their name to KFC).
Anyway, one day this guy went to sleep and when he awoke he was in his
bathtub and it was full of ice and he was sore all over and when he got out
of the tub he realized that HIS KIDNEY HAD BEEN STOLEN.He saw a note on his
mirror that said „Call 911!” but he was afraid to use his phone because it
was connected to his computer, and there was a virus on his computer that
would destroy his hard drive if he opened an e-mail entitled „Join the crew!”
He knew it wasn’t a hoax because he himself was a computer programmer who
was working on software to prevent a global disaster in which all the
computers get together and distribute the $250.00 Neiman-Marcus cookie
recipe under the leadership of Bill Gates. (It’s true – I read it all last
week in a mass e-mail from BILL GATES HIMSELF, who was also promising me a
free Disney World vacation and $5,000 if I would forward the e-mail to everyone I know.)
The poor man then tried to call 911 from a pay phone to report his missing
kidneys, but a voice on the line first asked him to press #90, which
unwittingly gave the bandit full access to the phone line at the guy’s
expense. Then reaching into the coin-return slot he got jabbed with an
HIV-infected needle around which was wrapped a note that said,
„Welcome to the world of AIDS.”
Luckily he was only a few blocks from the hospital – the one where that
little boy who is dying of cancer is, the one whose last wish is for
everyone in the world to send him an e-mail and the American Cancer Society
has agreed to pay him a nickel for every e-mail he receives. I sent him two
e-mails and one of them was a bunch of x’s and o’s in the shape of an angel
(if you get it and forward it to more than 10 people, you will have good
luck but for only 10 people you will only have OK luck and if you send it to
fewer than 10 people you will have BAD LUCK FOR SEVEN YEARS).
So anyway the poor guy tried to drive himself to the hospital, but on the
way he noticed another car driving without its lights on. To be helpful, he
flashed his lights at him and was promptly shot as part of a gang initiation.
Send THIS to all the friends who send you their mail and you will receive 4
green M&Ms — if you don’t, the owner of Proctor and Gamble will report you
to his Satanist friends and you will have more bad luck: you will get sick
from the Sodium Laureth Sulfate in your shampoo, your spouse will develop a
skin rash from using the antiperspirant which clogs the pores under your
arms, and the U.S. government will put a tax on your e-mails forever.
I know this is all true ’cause I read it on the Internet.
Author unknown
————–

Ok Last One For The Kids Funny Or Not?

What did the mother ghost tell the baby ghost when he ate too fast?
Stop goblin your food.
What do you get when you put three ducks in a box?
A box of quackers.
Why couldn’t the sesame seed leave the gambling casino?
Because he was on a roll.
Why did the student eat his homework?
The teacher told him it was a piece of cake.
What did the hungry computer eat?
Chips, one byte at a time.
Why do fish avoid the computer?
So they don’t get caught in the Internet.
What did the cannibal order for take-out?
Pizza with everyone on it.
How can you tell if an elephant has been in your refrigerator?
Footprints in the cheesecake.
I trained my dog not to beg at the table.
How did you do that?
I let him taste my cooking.
What’s in an astronaut’s favorite sandwich?
Launch meat.
What do cats call mice on skateboards?
„Meals on Wheels.”