What Would You Do?

You are one of *two* people on a malfunctioning airplane with only one parachute. How would you react?
Pessimist: you refuse the parachute because you might die on the jump anyway.
Optimist: you refuse the parachute because people have survived crashes just like this before.
Procrastinator: you play a game of Monopoly for the parachute.
Bureaucrat: you order them to conduct a feasibility study on parachute use in multi-engine aircraft under code red conditions.
Lawyer: you charge one parachute for helping them sue the airline.
Doctor: you tell them you need to run more tests, then take the parachute in order to make your next appointment.
Sales executive: you sell them the parachute at top retail rates and get the names of their friends and relatives who might like one too.
Internal Revenue Service: you confiscate the parachute along with their luggage, wallet, and gold fillings.
Advertiser: you strip-tease while singing that what they need is a neon parachute with computer altimeter for only $39.99.
Engineer: you make them another parachute out of aisle curtains and dental floss.
Scientist: you give them the parachute and ask them to send you a report on how well it worked.
Mathematician: you refuse to accept the parachute without proof that it will work in all cases.
Philosopher: you ask how they know the parachute actually exists.
English major: you explicate simile and metaphor in the parachute instructions.
Comparative Literature: you read the parachute instructions in all four languages.
Computer Science: you design a machine capable of operating a parachute as well as a human being could.
Economics: you plot a demand curve by asking them, at regular intervals, how much they would pay for a parachute.
Psychoanalysis: you ask them what the shape of a parachute reminds them of.
Drama: you tie them down so they can watch you develop the character of a person stuck on a falling plane without a parachute.
Art: you hang the parachute on the wall and sign it.
Republican: as you jump out with the parachute, you tell them to work hard and not expect handouts.
Democrat: you ask them for a dollar to buy scissors so you can cut the parachute into two equal pieces.
Libertarian: after reminding them of their constitutional right to have a parachute, you take it and jump out.
National Rifle Association: you shoot them and take the parachute.
Police Bigot: you beat them unconscious with the parachute.
Environmentalist: you refuse to use the parachute unless it is biodegradable.
Objectivist: your only rational and moral choice is to take the parachute, as the free market will take care of the other person.
Branch Davidian (David Koresh): you get inside the parachute and refuse to come out.
Sports Fan: you start betting on how long it will take to crash.
Auto Mechanic: as long as you are looking at the plane engine, it works fine.
Ross Perot: you tell them not to worry, since it won’t take you long to learn how to fix a plane.
Surgeon General: you issue a warning that skydiving can be hazardous to your health.
Association of Tobacco Growers: you explain very patiently that despite a number of remarkable coincidences, studies have shown no link whatsoever between airplane crashes and death.

Smartphone Software


  1. Miss Simple wrote
    at 18:35 - 24th Luty 2010 Permalink

    I would do none of the above.
    what I would do is let the other person get strap themselves into it (but tell them to leave a bit of room between them and the strap), then I would put my two arms in, in front of them, and we would both be able to escape =)….
    yay! A happy ending. lol

  2. Albinoba wrote
    at 0:55 - 25th Luty 2010 Permalink

    This sounds like my dad covering the bases.
    I imagined last night that I had been given a full sized model of a DC-10 plane to live in. It was made of plastic instead of steel so it could float and the inside was hollow. The stipulation of the deal was that it would be set adrift on the oceans so I could day dream to the rhythm of the sea. When the obscure c raft hit someones shore and got stuck the port authority’s would employ a tug to drag it back out into the open currents.
    I can’t remember the last time I felt so useless either, it’s strange when dreams become this unemotive~#

  3. amtusS wrote
    at 1:38 - 25th Luty 2010 Permalink

    perhaps the two can work /figure out a way to use one parachute between the two,by cuddling together

  4. Anonim wrote
    at 7:55 - 25th Luty 2010 Permalink


  5. Manc Lush wrote
    at 13:44 - 25th Luty 2010 Permalink

    Well as a man I have a very poor attention span so I’ll have to be honest and admit I got distracted between the „Your are one of two” bit and „crashes and death”. So I’ll pick the police bigot answer.Good question though, if a lilttle on the long side!

  6. ? ? wrote
    at 19:41 - 25th Luty 2010 Permalink

    ME : i’ll just grab the parachute, put it on, run fast and throw my self out without thinking and leave the other staring at me(if they can still see me..)

  7. The Uncanny Comic wrote
    at 0:20 - 26th Luty 2010 Permalink

    George Bush : grab the parachute but be unable to leave the plane —no exit strategy
    Paris Hilton : leave the parachute , step out of the plane , and then not even lift a finger —- have the earth hurdle towards her.

  8. wedgemom wrote
    at 5:25 - 26th Luty 2010 Permalink

    Read it all!!!! Funny, thanks!

  9. fearitol wrote
    at 10:57 - 26th Luty 2010 Permalink

    to much to read

  10. Papa Dom wrote
    at 17:20 - 26th Luty 2010 Permalink

    lol, but way too long.

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